This article is based on a presentation given September 14, 2021 at “Rheum4You: Reproductive Health & Rheumatic Disease,” a webinar presented by Simple Tasks, the public awareness campaign of the American College of Rheumatology.
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) at the age of 25, and by far the biggest challenge I have faced since my diagnosis has been in becoming a mom.
Today I have three children – ages 9, 7, and 3 – and all three of my pregnancies took place after being diagnosed with RA. Because there wasn’t as much data available ten years ago, my first pregnancy was completely unmedicated, the postpartum flare made infant care extremely difficult, and I was advised to stop breastfeeding to restart medication.
Fast forward to my third pregnancy: I was able to stay on a pregnancy-safe biologic the entire time, I had almost no postpartum flare, and I was able to make my own choices about breastfeeding.
I’ve had a variety of experiences when it comes to pregnancy, breastfeeding, and newborn care – so I want to share three of my best strategies for parenting while living with a chronic illness.
Strategy #1: Fill Your Own Cup First (click to read)
Strategy #2: Plan in Advance (click to read)
Strategy #3: Connect With Someone Who Understands
My third strategy for thriving as a parent with a chronic illness is to try to connect with other parents who understand the unique challenges of parenting with a chronic illness. Whether it’s in real life or on social media – like in our Mamas Facing Forward Facebook group – having support from people who understand what you are going through is so important.
One of my favorite things about the Mamas Facing Forward Facebook group is having access to a sort of “hive mind.” The other moms there can help you solve practical problems without each person having to figure everything out on their own through trial and error. One of my favorite examples is years ago in the group, a mom shared that she was having trouble putting her daughter’s hair in a ponytail because of pain in her hands. This may seem like a small thing, but not being able to do this parenting task was having an impact on her self esteem – and her daughter’s.
I didn’t have a daughter of my own at the time, so I didn’t really have any advice to offer. But lots of other moms chimed in with product recommendations, ideas about different techniques or styles to try, and even just solidarity – sharing that they had struggled too. And I think that kind of validation can be so important as a mom.
In addition to practical advice, connecting with others who face the unique challenges of parenting with a chronic illness can also bring you hope. Here are a couple of quotes from a survey we conducted in the Mamas Facing Forward Facebook group not long ago:
I love these quotes because they show what a powerful impact connection and understanding can have.
No matter what you are struggling with as a parent, it’s important to remember that you are never alone! I really encourage you to reach out to others who have had similar experiences – including me! I’m always open to emails or messages from other parents who need support.
